I'm sorry- insert fake smile here-

I seem to have offended some of the Stepford Wives, aka Military Super Excited We Worship Our Husbands, Live for Them, and Must Share it with Everyone We Know Wives. Oh my. The downfalls of having a big mouth and being independent. I love my husband, and I'm proud of him, but I do NOT worship him for being a Navy Aviator. Please ladies, grow a pair. 

10 Things NOT to say to a Stepford Wife

1. Do not joke that you're glad that when it comes down to it, your husband "has a job." It is NOT a job. It is a superior community, to be revered by the lowly. 

2. Do not laugh when you are told, "Oh I don't work. I have a husband and a dog, and our house and that keeps me pretty busy."

3. Do not ask if being a Commodore's Assistant is basically like a secretary. It is much more than that.

4. Do not say "I don't want children. Later, but not now. I know I'm 26. I just have more I want to accomplish first." This is not acceptable and you will be berated.

5. Do not bitch about wanting to jump-start your ever-on-hold career. We sacrifice our careers silently with a smile and a homemade chocolate cake in hand.

6. Do not get wasted playing a game of flippy cup, dominate the game, and scream at the person across from you, "I'm the juggernaut, bitch!" It is not comely for the put together good wife. 

7. When handed a sign up sheet for wives club "fun" don't hand it back unsigned and say you are too busy.  You are never too busy to support. 

8. Only order one drink if you attend a Wives' Meeting. Only one is paid for, all others will be out of pocket. Do not state that this is fine, you have cash. One drink is fine. Two are not.

9.  You must pretend to love and be BFF's with everyone. Even if you are not. 

10. Remember you must learn everything about flight school, all jargon included. Be prepared to whip out random factoids at any given time. When asked what phase of training your husband is in, "I don't know," is not, and always will not, be appropriate. 

11. Bonus Tip: "What's the name of the jet they fly, again? I forgot." This will blacklist you forever. For god's sake don't forget it. 

Now, Not everyone is like this, but just be on the lookout for the Stepford Wife. She will dazzle you with her smile, and stab you in the back with her serrated kitchen knife. There are perfectly wonderful women around, just look for them. It is true that without my girls I would not survive this, but I assure you- they are just as seemingly obnoxious as I am, and together: we ARE unstoppable. :)